Talk:MEW/@comment-25164650-20180724112039

Way too fast paced, the story is all over hell and creation, next time you should take your time and think about the story, like why did MEW become evil and kill things? Ask questions when you write a story, because then it will give it more detail.

Your pasta is a GIANT text wall, and its very hard to read, along with the uncapitalised "I"'s and punctuation mistakes, it makes it really hard to read. Not to mention how you constantly used I to start off a sentence

For example

"I walked home" "I opened the door" "I said hi to mom" You need variety

For example "When I walked home from a long school day, my mother greeted me on the porch, she noticed something off about me, possibly my mood, her expression changed for a split second, but then went back to smiling, almost as if she never noticed."

Also points off for cleche's 4/10, Sorry, but it needs some work