Thread:GrumpyNinja/@comment-31790225-20181205005748/@comment-25791545-20181205183410

wEll.

First, I had to read over the beginning a few times because the transition between "ice cave :)" and "HELL" was so abrupt. I don't think the character was even that deep in the cave when he heard the sounds, which begs the question of how nobody else had noticed, or, if everyone did and nobody came back, why nobody noticed that.

Second, the whole thing is basically (poorly disguised) hell and satany stuff, which, these days, makes the pasta feel incredibly cheesy. Tyranna's name isn't fooling anyone- it's just the devil, but a Pokemon. Also, where the heck is Arceus in all this? It's generally agreed to be the "Pokemon God" and completely neglecting to mention it at all just left me a little confused.

The ending is also pretty lackluster. There are some questions left over. Did the protagonist try to tell anyone about what happened? What happened to Cyndaquil? (Not that Cyndaquil got enough time in the limelight for me to care about him.) I want to hear more about this guilt that's ruining the protagonist's life. I think a scene in the "present" with Meowth would have made the story stronger by showing us exactly what the character's life is like on a daily basis.