This page contains potentially sensitive content.
Use caution if you are sensitive to any of the following:
- Graphic Pokemon battles
- Bodies being maimed in detail
- Trauma and possibly unhealthy coping methods
This isn’t a story about how I started avoiding Pokemon like the plague. Sometimes, I wish it was, but I don’t know how long I could even avoid it for. For starters, it’s just about everywhere, and I’m… a little hyperfixated on the franchise.
Could that aspect be what led to this? Maybe. At this point, I have no clue.
Well… best I get this show on the road.
It started in Pokemon Black.
I was just grinding up my team on route 9 so I could feel confident fighting Drayden, and lo and behold, I encountered a Pawniard. So, naturally, I defeat it, continue rummaging around the grass, and encounter another.
And another.
And another.
And another, repeating on and on.
But, as they went on and kept attacking me… their levels were getting higher and higher. Beyond the cap of 39. There were even some Bisharp thrown in there, for good measure, which I’m pretty sure don’t appear here.
Shaking off the feeling something was wrong, I kept defeating them, getting my team leveled up, until…
A level 5 Pawniard showed up.
Level 5. On a route where the lowest level pokemon was 31.
Imagine that.
But… when I defeated it, it didn’t faint.
It remained standing, with a slimmer of HP, and fled.
Could they do that? I didn’t know, but I shrugged it off. Was probably just me seeing things.
Oh, how I would come to regret that.
Sometime later, long after I had beaten the game, I had encountered another Pawniard.
A… very odd looking one at that.
Its blades look nearly completely broken off, leaving only little cracked and broken stumps in their place, and as my trainer slid into view and threw out their Serperior, I could’ve sworn I saw its little eyes widen and its animation pause.
It remained like that, as I flicked through menus and noticed it was only level 8.
So, naturally, I decided “hey, why not stall?” and promptly did just that.
And… it never once attacked. Instead, the message “Pawniard is too scared to move!” showed up, with its sprite shaking and releasing little sweatdrops.
If I had put two and two together there… well, likely nothing would’ve changed, if I’m being honest.
But it’s nice to imagine things might’ve turned out better. For both me and it.
Anyway, when I finally attacked, it acted first, and fled the fight. No matter how long I searched, it never showed up again, just regular old, properly leveled and bladed Pawniard.
I even forgot it existed, for a good while.
…Until I was a good way into Black 2.
I was on route 9, grinding up yet again, until I encountered an… odd, familiar Pawniard with chipped blades.
As it slid into frame, instead of the game telling me that a wild Pawniard appeared, it told me that “Pawniard isn’t backing out this time!”
And, as my trainer sent out their Serperior, I could only finally put two and two together, as the little thing bounced about.
This… this was that Pawniard I encountered so long ago, that was underleveled and fled, only to show up again with lasting damage.
It sounds so dumb, typing it down now… but even though I realized that, I couldn’t care less about the annoying little thing.
I had my Serperior use leaf blade off the bat, and the Pawniard moved first, using night slash, and as it attacked, its blades seemed to regrow, just for a moment, as purple, spectral mimics of what they were meant to be.
Not only that… but it seemed to be tougher than a normal Pawniard. Took more hits and dealt more damage, but maybe that was just me.
Anyway, as I dealt the final hit to the thing… it remained standing with a slimmer of HP, as its sprite stopped moving, and a message popped up on screen.
“Pawniard won’t let go.”
Instantly, the screen turned black, a squelching noise playing through the speakers as I winced, hearing what I could only presume were the cries of my poor Serperior grow louder and louder, before fading into silence.
It remained that way for a good while, and as my finger hovered over the power button of my DS, the screen turned back to normal.
But oh, how I wish it didn’t.
The Pawniard was gone, and my Serperior’s eyes were, too. Gouged out, revealing green, plantlike flesh, holes leaking a white fluid that was either sap, blood, tears, or both.
As the battle ended with no fanfare and I found myself back into the overworld, I remained still, shaking, before instantly heading over to the nearest Pokemon Center.
I had to fix it.
But, as the Nurse Joy took my Pokeballs… text that made the pit of dread in my stomach widen tenfold.
“...Oh. Your Serperior… I don’t think I can get it back into proper fighting condition. I’m terribly sorry…”
What the actual fuck?
I instantly turned off my game, heading to the main menu and pressing new game, but all I got was a single, disturbing message:
“You can’t run from what you’ve done.”
Pressing up, start and B simply caused that message to show up again, not even cutting to that blue screen.
Okay… I didn’t save after that… lovely encounter, maybe this was my guilt making me see things, I thought. I’d open my save, and everything would be back to normal!
…I was right back in the Pokemon Center, and the only thing that changed was my Serperior gaining a blindfold around its eyes, covering its internal workings and protecting them from further damage.
I tried to google stuff along the lines of “Pokemon blindness” and “Pawniard with chipped blades”, hoping someone out there dealt with something like this before, but all I ended up getting was fanworks.
Alright then. I’d power through the game. If I couldn’t run from what I did, I’d just work with it.
Unsurprisingly, my Serperior’s accuracy had tanked, but as I kept playing, it slowly got better. Sure, it never fully recovered, but it became actually usable in major battles again.
I tried to push that encounter to the back of my mind, but I just couldn’t, not when my starter remained blinded because of me.
But, I did beat the game, at least. And, with the good things I heard about the postgame in Black and White 2, I had high hopes.
I shouldn’t have had any hopes in the first place.
First encounter of the postgame was a Bisharp. A Bisharp with those broken blades I’ve come to hate, masked by the purple shadowy replicas right at their stumps.
And, before my trainer could even send out a Pokemon… text popped up on screen.
“Bisharp used Night Slash!”
I froze… but as the animation played, my Serperior suddenly came out of its Pokeball.
And took the hit.
And, with both swipes of the animation, my Serperior’s head came right off, white, blood-like sap emerging from the cut as its animations ceased, only sap gushing from the flat wound, green flesh surrounded by veins and lighter green bone.
Its healthbar wasn’t even there anymore, as the game panned out to the full battle, seemingly freezing up, letting me get a good long look at the corpse of my starter… and its killer, calming standing and looping its animation as it looked on at its kill.
I instantly shut off the game, then and there.
But it was too late. That image was burned into my mind. How… how did that… that thing do that? How was it seemingly breaking the laws of the game just to hunt me down?
I grabbed my phone, deciding to just… get my mind off things with some good old aimless browsing of the internet!
But… just as I pulled it free from its charger, my DS turned itself back on, right back on that accursed battle, but with two new differences.
One: There was a text bubble, containing the lovely message “You can’t escape.”
Two: The Bisharp was staring right at me, animation paused minus what I could presume was breathing.
Needless to say, I tore the game out right then and there, throwing it across my room. A little overkill, but it did work, so I’d call it a win.
Anyway, after about a month or so, I felt my Pokemon itch come back, and fan stuff just didn’t cross my mind, so… I did something a little dumb.
I got Pokemon Sun.
…Look, I heard it didn’t have Pawniard or Bisharp, just bear with me here.
And you know what? I had a good time with it. A really good time, actually. It was quite nice.
At least, until I beat Mallow’s Trial.
I had some Pokemon to catch, and I also just wanted to explore Lush Jungle without worrying about the trial. So I went, just taking my time, when I heard a familiar cry.
Instantly, I froze, both in game and real life, as I noticed a familiar red and black humanoid pokemon, with its broken blades still replaced with those ghostly substitutes.
Needless to say, I booked it out of there, and just traded for the Pokemon I needed.
But I couldn’t help but notice that, as I left Lush Jungle, a text bubble showed up, giving me a totally nonthreatening message:
“Bisharp has your scent now.”
Well, that made my experience with this game a whole lot worse.
Anyway, I didn’t run into it again until… sometime on Poni Island? I just remember being on Poni Coast when it showed back up again.
And oh lord, did it make up for it taking a long while to strike.
It ripped through my entire team without a care, making them straight up vanish from my team after fainting, making me automatically assume it was killing them.
Just like it had with my Serperior.
Not only that, but it was a lot faster than a normal Bisharp, easily able to outspeed my team, and had a good range of attacks to help with its brutal work. Any hits I did seemed to do little damage, and by the time I had one Pokemon left, it was still in the green
Eventually, it came down to it and my Incineroar, who I just made use Inferno Overdrive. Best I got this over with quickly, so I could remake my team ASAP.
Shockingly… it went first, and actually got its hp down.
But… things got weird.
The game seemed to freak out, freezing up on that Bisharp as it seemed to… flicker and glitch, embers surrounding it.
The flames grew worse and worse, as a text box popped up onscreen, presenting me with a message.
“Bisharp won’t die.”
I pressed A, as the flames consumed the screen, blocking everything else out.
“Bisharp can’t die.”
Smoke rolled in, blocking out the flames and covering the screen in a dark gray hue.
“Bisharp needs to avenge the fallen.”
The screen went completely black.
“Bisharp”
Its name began repeating in the box, over and over, eventually overflowing and flooding both screens of my 3DS. They eventually broke out of the simple lines, instead appearing wherever they felt like until pure white covered the screens, lighting up my dark room.
And it stayed that way for several minutes. I considered turning off the game and moving on with my life…
…Until a loud, distorted Bisharp cry rang up through my headphones.
I winced, as the white cleared away, revealing that the sky ingame had gone dark, and… and the Bisharp had changed.
Its eyes were purple, sclera black and glowing irises wide as it intently focused on my Incineroar, occasionally flicking over to look right at me before returning to my single Pokemon. Its ghostly blades had grown, head one replaced with a single, long blade. The reds on its body were brighter with a hint of orange, the grays seemed a bit more reddish, and rust covered its hands and feet, and splotches of it were scattered across its body.
New text filled the box, reading “Hunter is out for vengeance”, as the name of the Bisharp above its now full health bar changed to match.
I began to shake. Somehow… this made things more tense for me. Every time its eyes looked into mine, I felt its gaze penetrate my body, as if it was asking me to just dare to strike.
So, I did.
I selected Brick Break. That would do it, I hoped. My Incineroar even went first, which just made my hopes grow.
The text that appeared next, however, broke them then and there.
“But it had no effect.”
What.
Did… Did the Bisharp- no, did Hunter just change typing?
It gave me little time to ponder that question further, as it used Stone Edge, which would’ve KO’ed- or I guess killed- my Incineroar, had it not toughened it out for me thanks to the time I spent in refresh.
The next turn, however, made me think that Hunter was just making me go first to taunt me. To make me think I could stop its brutal crusade for vengeance.
It struck first, using night edge, which tore off the limbs of my Incineroar, somehow not killing it, but making me watch as its arms and legs flopped to the sides, stumps bleeding proper, red blood onto the ground beneath it, as it screamed out in pain, its louder, distorted cry ringing out through my headphones.
I tried to make it use darkest lariat. I don’t know why, but I did. I was just desperate. Maybe the guilt from my Serperior was getting to me, and I just imagined that gruesome scene didn’t unfurl before my eyes.
Only to be told, in cold, clinical text, a simple three words.
“It can’t move.”
Hunter then used Brick Break, over and over, each use of the move crushing my poor Incineroar more and more, the sound of bones breaking and flesh tearing echoing up into my ears, blood splattering about, followed by little fragments of bone once it went on for long enough.
And all I could do was watch.
Watch until all that was left of my starter was a bloody pulp.
Afterwards, Hunter gave me its full attention, arching back and letting out its distorted cry as it stared at the camera, ready to pounce at any moment.
But I wouldn’t let it.
I tore out the cartridge, and crushed it with a hammer. It was a little overkill, sure, but I needed to be rid of it.
And so, I tried to avoid Pokemon, even as Scarlet and Violet neared.
Hell, I tried to avoid those games in particular. The news of a Bisharp evolution made me feel sick to my stomach, and gave me that same sensation Hunter looking at me in Sun did.
But… try as I might, I couldn’t resist.
I let myself slip back into Pokemon. I just… couldn’t resist. Even when I knew I had what I believed was a bloodthirsty, revenge blind beast chasing me down through the games.
I just… couldn’t let the franchise go.
Call it cowardice, but… I decided to get a copy of Heartgold.
A generation free of Pawniard and its evolutions.
As I played the games, I had the sensation of being watched, no matter what I did. Hell, it didn’t even fade when I was just… living my normal life. Not at my job, not when I was sleeping, and not when I was playing something else.
Maybe I set myself up for this, but… it sure gave me time to reflect on Hunter.
Oh one hand, I hated it. It threatened to ruin a franchise I held dear for me in its blind hunger for vengeance… but at the same time…
I understand it.
Sure, I didn’t understand how it seemed to come to life and act against the rules of the franchise nor travel between games, and I still don’t now, but…
I couldn’t help but wonder if I could fix things. It can’t return home, not when everyone in its pack was dead, but I didn’t know if it realized nor cared about that.
And suppose it claimed its vengeance. Killed me in real life, or whatever. What would it do, then? Simply wander aimlessly, without any goals?
…That doesn’t sound like living.
Still, I had no plans regarding how to stop its hunger for vengeance, so I just enjoyed Heartgold, free of any anomalies, minus the sensation of being watched, no matter where I went.
Until I defeated Red.
After the credits, I found myself back at home, as expected, but the lights were out, and there was no music. I gave myself a moment to breathe.
This was it.
No turning back now.
I headed downstairs, and there it was, fully evolved and next to my ingame mom’s dead body, mangled by its ghostly blades.
Hunter.
Text popped up.
“Hunter finally has you.”, it told me.
“Now or never, Hunter.” I said to the DS. “Let’s do this.”
I had little faith in myself back then, to be honest, but I still went through with this, and the game cut to battle, revealing Hunter’s current state.
And oh, what a state it was in.
Its feet and hands were coated in rust, the patches more frequent across its body, as it stood on shaky legs that seemed as if they would crumble away at any second. Its purple pupils were even wider in size, as it stared intently at me through the screen, seemingly not caring about the battle, only about its prey. The grays on its body had fully turned a rusty brown, the reds equally rusted out, but their color was still visible. The long hair it usually sat on was a mess, tangled with strands poking out in every direction, trailing behind it.
This was not the proud, mighty Bisharp evolution I had heard so much about.
This was a miserable, broken beast, barely alive and only able to focus on one thing, not even caring about how its single-minded focus on that thing was destroying its body.
I took a deep breath, as my Lugia was sent out
“Why are you doing this?” I asked the screen, not expecting an answer.
But I shouldn’t have been shocked when one popped up after it used Kowtow Cleave on Lugia, easily doing over half its health
“You know what you did to them.” It said, through a textbox. “You will pay.”
“...I’m sorry.” I said, using aeroblast again, expecting my Lugia to faint before it could. “...I didn’t know you were… alive… like this.”
“So you admit you don’t care about me?” It seemed to snarl. “I expected that.”
“No- no, I do!” I said, as I sent out my Steelix. “I-I’m just wondering… how you became like this…”
“You made me like this.” It said, “You brought this upon yourself.”
We went back and forth like this for the whole fight.
“No- I meant, like, self-aware!”
“I was always aware. You just made me aware of the world beyond mine.”
“...The real world, right…”
“...Do you know how traumatic it was, seeing everyone I loved die? To have my body mangled? No, you don’t.”
“I-I do! I’m sorry!”
“LIAR. All you care about is yourself. You kill to increase the numbers of worthless pixels, without bothering to think of the bloodshed you leave behind.”
“...You’re pixels too, you know…”
“I am more than that now. You are not. You are as simple as the Pokemon you command. I will always be more than you.”
“...What are you… going to do after this?”
“End your meaningless life.”
“I meant… after you kill me.”
The game seemed to freeze up, letting me attack Hunter without it attacking back.
“...You… you have nothing left.”
The game seemed to freeze up for a moment. I was worried I enraged Hunter… until more text showed up.
“Hunter has nothing left.”
“Hunter’s quest was meaningless.”
“Hunter is meaningless.”
Hunter’s shadowy blades faded away, along with its eyes.
“There’s nothing left for Hunter.”
“Just finish it.”
The game let me attack Hunter without it attacking back again, and soon, the battle came to a close, with no musical fanfare or exp gained.
The screen simply faded back to home.
I interacted with Hunter’s still remaining body, and text showed up.
“It died a long time ago.”
Whether that meant died inside or died for real, I don’t know, but it felt… somber to see it confirmed, with its lifeless body.
The only thing that kept it alive was its desire for vengeance, a hunger so bad it forgot that it had nothing to return to, nothing left in its life to live for.
It might’ve survived my initial grinding back in Black, but it, as a being, truly died there.
I didn’t sleep that night. I was too busy just… thinking.
At least the sensation of being watched was gone.
Well, all of this brings me to now.
I got Scarlet a while back after working up the courage to, and after I picked my starter, choosing Quaxly, as I just found the little thing charming, and being set out to catch a few Pokemon, I came across a familiar little bit of gray and red.
I instantly went right to it, and lo and behold, it was a Pawniard.
A Pawniard… with blades that were merely chipped, eyes purple with black sclera.
My Quaxly wasn’t sent out, instead text popped up, reading “Give Hunter a purpose?”, and offering me a choice between yes or no.
I let myself linger on that choice.
Hunter was a menace, sure, but I think I get it now.
It was just a lonely, broken thing, running off an impossible hope.
Maybe it was time it got a new thing to hope towards.
I pressed yes, and my trainer threw a ball out, that instantly caught it without even a single shake from the ball, and no fanfare.
There was no prompt to nickname it, just Pawniard being added to the dex, and then right back to the game, as if nothing happened.
I decided to check it out in my party, just to get a grasp of what it was like.
Hunter was level 1, its nickname was locked in (as I guess it named itself that), and its typing was Ghost/Steel instead of Dark/Steel, really helping drill it into my head that it was more or less dead. It held a Leader’s Crest, which I couldn’t remove, as the game simply told me that “Hunter just can’t let go.”
And you know what? Maybe I can’t either.
Sure, it brutally murdered several of my Pokemon, but they weren't real to it, just husks living out the motions, which perfectly describes how it was.
Perhaps it always knew what it had become, but refused to acknowledge it, in fear of falling into despair.
After a good while of just… staring at it, I saved the game, and turned it off for a bit, so I could write all of this down.
What am I going to do with Hunter? Well… I admittedly, want to give it a new purpose. Something new to work for, and maybe… a new family.
I want to make it feel like it is something, an actual living being, and perhaps give it a life it thought it never deserved, or even had in the first place.
Maybe, instead of hurting it, I can help it. Let it explore, live a life it never had, and just… be a Pokemon, instead of a vengeance-hungry shell of itself.
It may be rough… but it will be worth it.
For both me, and my Hunter.