Ze title screen popped up and it vas very scary and gory. Ze Lavender Town music played on ze title screen and ze character selection screen. Ze character choices vere a boy and a girl zat boz had blood on zem and zeir organs stickink out of zem and had no eyes. I chose ze boy but ze professor guy, who vas also bloody and gory viz no eyes, said "No ur a gurl!!!!!111". I vas like, "How ze fuck do you know I'm a girl?!", but I vent along viz it and chose ze girl instead. It asked for my name and I put it as 'Sally' but ze professor guy said "No ur name is Valasta!!!1!! Ur full name is Valasta Obsidian Clarinet Antarctica Hanovnenskisenskaya!!!!11!!!1!!". ZAT VAS MY REAL NAME!!!!! I vas like, "HOW ZE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY REAL NAME???!!!!!". But zen I realized zat zis could just be a hack and kept playink. So all ze starters vere covered in blood and had zeir organs stickink out and had no eyes. I chose Charmander because he vas a fire type and fire types reminded me of ze time I burned down ze neighbor's house after she got mad at me for makink out viz her dog and shittink on her lawn. Anyvay, I continued viz my Charmander who I nicknamed 'Arson'.
Ze Lavender Town music vas still playink so I assumed it played everyvhere for some reason. I zen caught some more Pokemon in ze grass. Zey vere a Pikachu who I nicknamed 'Vodka' and an Eevee who I nicknamed 'Sisa'. Boz of zem vere bloody, gory, and eyeless just like Arson and everyvone else in ze game. Zat vas pretty creepy, actually. Anyvay, I vent and battled a bloody and gory Diglett viz zem and it said "Wild Diglett died!". "Vhat ze fuck, zat's not supposed to happen!", I screamed at ze game. My mom heard me and told me to be quiet so I told her to shut ze fuck up. Anyvay, I continued playink until ze game said "Arson is hungry. Vodka is angry. Sisa is lonely". I said "Vhat ze fuck?! I haven't left zis game all day since I got it!". Zen ze game said "Arson doesn't like waiting. Arson bit Valasta." "OWWW! Vhat ze fuck?!" I said as I felt a pain in my arm. I brushed it off as a papercut and continued. Zen ze game said "Valasta was mauled to death by her Pokemon!". "VHAT ZE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK????!!!!!!", I screamed super loud. Zen I heard somefink comink towards me and turned around and screamed.
So ze next day I voke up on ze floor in my room. My DS vas shattered against ze wall and my 19 bottles of vodka I stole from some adults' party vere all empty and broken on ze ground. I fink I had some ozzer shit lyink around too.
And so zat vas how my veekend vent.